In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now
living in America and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and
save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months
to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to
start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things
have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit. I've been arguing with the
Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My homeowners association claims that I've violated
the Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the
height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a
decision."
"Then the City Council and the Electricity Company
demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and
other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the
sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none
of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to
court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I
couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your
proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew."
"The Immigration Dept. is checking the visa status of
most of the people who want to work. The labor unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building
experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a
rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You
mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me
to it."
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